Better Parent Now

My father always told me that I was the "trial kid". He reminded me that kids don't come with instruction manuals and sometimes, as a parent, you make mistakes. So when I would scream that my parents were always harder on me than my two younger sisters, he would just smile and say, "We screwed up with you so we're making it up to the other two". Didn't help. Ever. Nonetheless, I finally understand what he meant. It took me having the boys 10 years apart. I made so very many mistakes with my oldest boy. When he threw himself on the floor in a fit, I would try everything to show him that I loved him and that I didn't want him to cry and whatever he wanted, I would cave and give in. This has taught him that if he outlasts me, he wins. We've been working on that for 8 years. He still tries to outlast me.
When the youngest tosses himself on the floor, I walk away. Just the other day he insisted that he wanted something to play with - something like the toothpaste or an item that just wasn't a toy - and lost it completely when I took it away. Throwing himself on the floor, screaming at me to "come back here", I just walked away. Went on to do the laundry. Let me tell you, boy has some lungs on him. With the oldest, I would have gone in and talked to him. The youngest? I'm sorting clothes. Finally, it went quiet. He had stopped, came out of his room and was standing in front of the tv, watching a movie. The whole fit forgotten.

Now, you can take into account that the times were different before. That I was divorced, guilt-ridden, learning to be a single parent and now I'm a stay-at-home mom who has realized that they don't die when they are crying and tossing themselves on the floor. Does that make me a better parent now or just not as attentive?

My wonderful husband says I'm just a better parent. Of course, he doesn't hesitate to point out that I still don't parent both the kids the same. He claims that my relationship with the oldest is totally different and I don't always employ the "correct parenting techniques". Well, DUH! Of course my relationship is totally different with each kid... there is 10 years difference and a lifetime of experiences & mistakes in-between.

Then again.... maybe, subconsciously, I'm just trying to make it up to the youngest kid.

Productive

I think that I'm out of my organizational slump. Frankly, I was getting a bit worried. I don't normally forget things, am hardly ever late with a card or gift and manage to keep my paperwork piles to a minimum. However, since work has ceased for me, I can't manage to get anything done. It's a little creepy, actually. It's like the more time I have on my hands, the less I can get done. I'm frozen in time. Nonetheless, I think I have managed to break free. I have cleaned up several piles and completed several projects in the past 14 days. Amazing, really. Of course, it's easier when you're getting rid of all the junk that comes along with a previous job. No more little things for agents who no longer need my services. No more calendars and labels and stacks of papers. It's nice. Gives me a sense of completion. Husband likes it too. Now, if I could just manage to get this new career venture off the ground.