My Own Mortality

My friend, Elle, just lost a dear friend to cancer. A woman I've known for 7 years, not closely but well enough to be considered a friend, was diagnosed with breast cancer. My friend, Therapist, just told me that her oldest & dearest friend is dying from cancer. My OB/GYN is so full of cancer that it's a wonder she gets up each morning. With all this, it makes you look at your life just a bit, since clearly, it can change drastically at any time.

Therapist told me that her friend has a little girl and it will fall to her (Therapist) to tell that little girl all about her mom. What her mom was like growing up, as a teenager, everything. How fortunate that this little girl has the Therapist to share all those memories with her. Not everyone does.

It made me think - who would tell my boys about me? Sure, my husband can tell stories about what he knows but who would be able to tell my oldest what I was afraid of at his age? And since I have this understanding with my husband that he's "not my girlfriend", who would tell the boys about all the fears and worries that I have? Is there anyone?

There is one person who can share my life with my boys from the age of 18 - Manager. I met her in college and we experienced so much together; good & bad. She was with me when I went through being so scared of college, meeting my first husband, going through the divorce and finding my husband. Not to mention everything inbetween. She knows my ins & outs probably better than most. So I called her the other day and told her this. Let her know that I was going to rely on her to share these memories with the boys. Let them know that I am human and so I was scared and worried and insecure and passionate.

By the way - I'm not dying. I have no fatal disease that I am aware of. However, with all the people around me getting sick, it made me have these thoughts.