Is that Wrong?

There are so many things that happen around me that I don't seem to understand or things that I do and I'm not sure it's acceptable. So I wanted to share.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

After 20 Years

My 20th class reunion is this summer. And truth be known, I'm freaking out. Why? I really have no idea. Some of the few people I'm still in contact are organizing everyone to go onto so they can work the reunion through that. So, I'm going through, reading about what a few people have been doing and see a few pictures - seems okay. Therefore, I did what I normally do (now) and volunteer to help my old friend with some scanning. I rec'd the pictures yesterday. From the 10th Reunion (which I did not attend). The memories came flooding back and not in a good way. It's the oddest thing - I don't have many wonderful memories from high school. I have a lot, not all good. 20 years later, my main memory is that I wasn't well liked. And I'm a little freaked out about going back home to the reunion. What if my memories are true? What if most of them truly didn't like me. I'm looking 40 in the eye and my worries are from 20 years ago. Is that wrong? Now, honestly, I like me now. I'm a good person, I'm a little funny, I'm generous and I think I'm a pretty good friend. I have a wonderful circle of people that (seem to) really like me and want me around. I can talk to almost anyone now, can talk in front of crowds and am extremely organized and people actually want me to work on projects because I'm good at what I do.

So why am I so freaked? I think it's because I'm afraid (yes, afraid) that everyone is going to remember the "old" me and I'm going to have a miserable time. Oh, everyone tells you that after 20 years it's so very different and so much changes, blah, blah, blah, but I still feel a bit icky. The biggest thing for me is that I don't (now) let fear rule a lot of what I do and I don't want to let my fears of what happened 20 years ago affect me giving it a go. It's the onery part of me, I guess.

So at this point, I'm a little undecided. And increasing the freak out with each picture I scan for the reunion committee.....


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